I stepped out of the massage room out into the larger room which was the Wellness Center on Google’s main campus. It took a moment to adjust my eyes to the bright fluorescent lights. I had just finished getting a half hour massage (I know, poor me), in a scrambled effort to use up the hundreds of massage credits I had banked up in the last 6½ years at Google. Throughout that time, I had been so busy with work and deadlines, I had never bothered to use the credits. Oh, the irony.
I walked out of the Wellness Center into the hallway and curiously peered out through the second floor window onto the patio, where Googlers were having lunch. The view was perfect even on this slightly gloomy day. I snapped a picture on my Nexus 5X so I could remember this view, this moment.
February 1, 2017 was my last day at Google. This place was my home away from home. It was my first job out of college, and the experience would be hard to beat. My life had become so intertwined with Google, it was hard to imagine life without it. Sometimes, subtle hints of fear and uncertainty would bubble up inside me, but something beyond the sprawling Google campus was calling me to explore it.
I broke from my daydream and hurried downstairs to meet my friend for lunch. On glancing at the calendar event on my laptop, which was intermittently freezing and taunting me with a loading indicator (battery was at 0%), I realized that I was supposed to meet my friend across campus, in negative 2 minutes.
I bolted down the stairs, ran across the main campus courtyard, to hop into my car. It was blocked by another car, so I asked the valet attendant to move the other car. Yes, there is free valet parking at Google. Mostly because the # of Googlers > # of parking spots, but yes it is a nice privilege. I leaped into my car, zoomed down Charleston Road and headed to the other side of campus, anxious at the stoplights that were taking so long to turn green. Once I parked (no valet this time!), I ran inside the coffee lab to meet my friend with barely enough breath to express a warm welcome and apologize for my lateness.
He was a former coworker from the Google Keep team. It was his orientation week at Google. He had left Google the previous year to pursue new opportunities, and when things didn’t work out as expected, he decided to rejoin Google again. So there we were – crossing paths – him on his way back into Google, and me on my way out. It was a funny thing to realize, and I wondered if I would return again like him.
We sat down to enjoy my last lunch at Google. I had peanut butter beef on the left (I had never heard of that dish either), which was surprisingly tasty. And I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to nab a couple of slices of pizza. I had spent much of my meal times at Google, looking longingly at the pizza and fries offered every day, and would only succumb to the temptation every once in a while (when the smell of cheese and pepperoni was too irresistible). As we ate our lunch, we reminisced and caught up on life.
Like my breakfast earlier in the day, I thoroughly enjoyed each bite – savoring the multitude of flavors. I learned about the practice of mindful eating from the Search Inside Yourself class at Google, which covers various meditation practices for increased well-being. In mindful eating, you chew slowly and intentionally and notice all the tastes and sensations. (No gulping the food down, my usual habit.) It also involves expressing gratitude for the hands that prepared the food – from the farm to the kitchen to the plate in front of you.
After a nice long relaxing lunch, I decided I should probably head to my desk to finish up any “last day” tasks. I combed through emails and figured out the status of my benefits. I responded to some more goodbye emails and shared my personal email address so we could all stay in touch.
Soon enough, I glanced at the clock and it was already 4pm! I was supposed to turn in my devices and badge by 5pm on main campus. My hands started to type a little faster. There were still random things on my to-do list to take care of. Then the minutes ticked by and it was already 4:30pm. I gave up and accepted that there were certain things I wouldn’t be able to finish (a metaphor for life I suppose). I gently closed the lid of my laptop. It was weird to think about never opening the laptop again. And it was weird to know that I would never be able to read the responses to the emails I had just sent.
I shoved everything in my bag and bolted out of the building. I still remember the cold hard click of the door as I pushed it open. It would be the last time I would leave my building. The cold winter air of the Bay Area rushed into my face.
I jumped into my car and zoomed back to main campus again. I turned in my laptop and then went across the street to turn in my badge. The folks were not there anymore, so I gave it to a security guard. He took it, and it was a lot more anticlimactic than I expected. My badge (which was practically an extension of my body for all those years) was now no longer hanging by my side.
Since there was nothing else left to do, I exited the building. I could feel the hard concrete below my feet with each step toward the parking lot. I took in the sights and sounds around me.
I glanced at the random shark fin that was sticking out of the ground. I never understood why that thing was there. I peered over my right shoulder in the direction of the gym, where I had spent the prior months working out. I had formed new friendships (a.k.a. people to guilt you into going to the gym) and was finally able to do one pullup (VICTORY AT LAST!).
On my left, I peered into the Google cafe that made ready-to-go sandwiches and had hot soups and popcorn. A long line of people waited for their sandwiches with their paper orders in their hands. I used to duck in there for a bowl of soup as a post-workout snack, but now that would be a habit of the past. I smiled. Those were good times. There were many good times at Google.
I turned my head back on the path, and my feet pitter pattered down the stairs. I walked past the brightly colored Google bikes parked along the base of the stairs. They were always too big for my legs to comfortably reach the pedals (ah, the downsides of being 4’11”). With a few more steps, I reached my car and got inside. Then I headed home.
For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t have a job anymore. There was no work to go to the next day (Thursday). I didn’t know what I would do, but was ready to take on whatever life would bring.
UPDATE: From the date of this post, you can tell that it’s been a couple months since I left Google, so I’ll be writing more about what I’ve been up to. In the meantime, I gotta go, meeting a friend for lunch at Google. 😉
