As I ponder about the type of career and life I want, I wonder: At which point will I feel satisfied, like I have “made it”? Or to put it another way, what are my metrics for success in life? Honestly, I don’t know.
Too Many Numbers
I grew up having my life quantified into numbers, so I could be stack ranked against others to see if I was good enough to admitted into an elite institution or a Fortune 500 company. My high school GPA, SAT test scores, college GPA, interview scores, a salary at work, etc… Everything boiled down to numbers.
I know, I know. We need a way to standardize performance to add some organization to the chaos. As a society, we’ve decided to standardize by using numbers to approximate the real things we’re measuring – character, hard work, talent, effort, growth, impact, etc…
But the problem is when we identify so strongly with those numbers that we start to believe that those numbers define our worth.
We start to strive for higher numbers – a higher salary, a higher level on the corporate ladder, so that we can be better, be more “successful.”
When we add numbers to a goal, it can give us a great deal of motivation and hustle to try to reach those targets. But falling short of those targets can also be a constant source of inadequacy, shame, or stress. Adding numbers to deliverables can also make the process of work feel like an obligation and chore, being chained to some arbitrary target number. That mindset quickly drains away creativity and the very humanity which made us choose that work in the first place.
Do the Numbers Mean Anything?
On social media, it also seems like we are quick to judge people based on the number of Instagram followers and subscribers they have on YouTube. More numbers mean more impact on the world, which should make them successful and happy, right? Except for some of the most popular influencers, they weren’t. They were extremely miserable. Selena Gomez, Michelle Phan, and Essena O’Neill, all went on digital detoxes to take a break from social media to discover their deeper identity.
The numbers mislead us. We foolishly believe that a bigger one will deliver happiness. However, when we finally reach that target number, we feel happy for a day, and then return to feeling discontent. Then we set a new goal for an even higher number to wait for happiness. Why do we let numbers have so much power over us?
At my last job, we had performance reviews, where we had to list out our recent accomplishments. I was making videos and online courses, and I realized how hard it is to measure the impact of my work as a teacher. How do you measure if a student has truly learned? Maybe the way the concepts were presented were completely confusing to the student. Or maybe they gained skills that boosted their confidence and opened their eyes up to a new career path. I struggled with writing those self-assessments. I felt like I had to fall back on the crutch of numbers that were concrete – number of students enrolled, completion rates, video views, number of lessons I churned out, etc… But I was disappointed that those metrics could not adequately capture something as abstract as the impact of education.
Right now, all I know is that I’m tired of measuring myself with numbers.
As I brainstorm future career goals, I don’t want to add numeric metrics to them. For example, does it matter if I reach a certain number of views or subscribers on this blog? I’m growing accustomed to the idea that the greatest satisfaction from having a blog is having an outlet to express, refine, and share my ideas. And to rant as well. 😉
Things That Can’t Be Measured
The other day, I attended a hip hop dance class and saw this sign on the door.
It made me smile because it showed true appreciation for the intangible things that bring value to our lives.
Love is undoubtedly one of those things that is hard to measure. But it can be captured and shared through anecdotes, as seen on this Instagram account Love What Matters (see this cute example). Even reading these stories can uplift our spirit in profound ways.
Similarly, kindness is invisible. The impact that it has on someone can stay with them throughout their day. It can affect their interaction with the next person they meet, which can in turn impact the next person, and so on. Kindness can just ripple out across the world.
Perhaps we should give up trying to assign a number to these concepts.
Perhaps the only way to “measure” them is to use an internal barometer – how our minds and bodies feel. And to keep returning back to the people, places, and activities that fill up those barometers until they’re overflowing. That can be vague though. And sometimes messy. But it feels more real.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller
