As an entrepreneur, it’s so hard to be the boss of yourself. You work on something for a goal or deadline, but you’re also the one setting the deadline on yourself, so you can just as easily change it. With better tools, I’m learning to manage myself better, and I came to realize that there’s 2 types of discipline in this world.
Discipline Out of Fear
This is the type of discipline I grew up with. Being in an Asian household, there are strict expectations to study hard and do well in school. In school, there is pressure to do well on homework and exams, otherwise you could *gasp* get a bad grade. School turns into the myriad of college entrance exams and college applications where the constant driver is to do well otherwise *gasp* you may not get into a “good college.” The pressure doesn’t let up in college either. You vie for good grades otherwise you may not get a “good job.” And once you land in a good job, there’s the fear of getting a bad performance review or disappointing someone who’s a higher-up, so you work and work. It’s really a culture of fear that we’re brought up in. And it’s quite toxic because we do things because we’re afraid of disappointing others or bringing shame onto ourselves. We fall prey into thinking that if we can’t do something, it may reveal that we’re incompetent or not good enough.
All this to say, I got very good at being disciplined out of fear. I could crank through lots of work and memorize my way through a class to remember the content long enough to pass a test and then forget it afterwards. I was able to pull through on an extremely challenging deadline by sacrificing my own health and well-being, but it was for a good pat on the back or a good grade / performance review.
But when I left the normal world of formal education / corporate America, I found it very hard to get things done because I had operated so long on discipline out of fear. Sure, I was afraid of failing at my business or being embarrassed that I couldn’t meet a goal that I had announced publicly on social media. But that fear wasn’t enough to get me out of bed and to the gym, and taking care of myself, and doing the hard work of building a business every day.
I learned that I needed a different type of discipline.
Discipline Out of Love
I’m starting to learn that there’s a new source of energy, a new source of motivation which is much more boundless than fear. It is doing things out of love. You can be disciplined in your work and show up raring to go every day because you love it so much. You’re so pumped to make progress towards a dream that puts you on Cloud 9 just thinking about it. You can be disciplined in how you take care of yourself – exercise and eating healthy because nourishing your body feels good to you.
Here’s another way to put it. You can eat healthy because you fear dying early or getting some incurable disease. Or you can eat healthy because it feels good in your body and gives you energy.
For a long time, it felt weird to do things out of love, especially out of love for myself. But when you do things that make you feel good, or find a way to make something feel good (finding a form of exercise you really like), then you are much more willing to stick with the consistency of discipline because it feels great each time.
I also had a mental block on this because sometimes “feeling good” in our society is labeled as indulgent or short-sighted or irresponsible. We’re conditioned to expect that we need to suffer in the short-term for a happy future. But actually self-inflicted suffering just cripples our energy and enthusiasm for life. So I call BS on that. I think “feeling good” is a good thing, and we should pursue more of it, in a healthy way of course.
Instead of doing things out of obligation, I continually challenge myself to do things out of love for myself, love for others, or love for my work. It’s definitely a mind shift, but I think one that will ultimately change the course of my life.
What mode are you operating in these days?
