My Journey

Upcoming Event on 6/9: Storytime at Books Inc in Mountain View

June 1, 2018 By Kat

Two omg’s I need to share with you all.

First OMG

My book is on the shelves now at Books Inc on Castro Street in downtown Mountain View!!! Can you tell how flippin’ excited I am? Haha! I took a million selfies with it and then asked a store employee to take more pictures of me with it. 😆

I’m so excited because this is one of my favorite stores in downtown Mountain View.

After working and living in this area for so many years, I would eat dinner in downtown and then take a stroll afterwards. And since Books Inc opens late, I’d usually stop by and look through the books and magazines, seeing what’s hot and new. There’s just a nice cozy feel to this local independent bookstore.

Okay, now for my second OMG

You may already have noticed from the pictures, but I’m going to be doing a Storytime at Books Inc on Saturday, June 9, 2018 at 11am! I’ll be co-hosting it with fellow author Ravin Singh, who wrote My Scientist Friends. The address is: 317 Castro Street, Mountain View, CA More details can be found here. They had signs advertising the event in the store, and even on the sidewalk!

I was extremely stoked that my face was on a sign on Castro Street. I would liken this feeling to seeing your face on a billboard. I excitedly asked an innocent bystander to take photos for me. Lol I’m totally cheesin’.

The event was also announced in their Books Inc newsletter and posted on the Mountain View Voice local community calendar of events. Yay!!

Newsletter MV Voice Community Calendar

Anyhow, those are my big updates! If you’re in the area and have/know little kiddos, I hope to see you at storytime on June 9!! 😛

The Beginning

May 30, 2018 By Kat

We all start somewhere. I started with stick figures.

Rejection and Disappointment as a New Author

May 28, 2018 By Kat

Learning to deal with rejection and disappointment as a new author is something that I’ve been facing lately. If you’ve been following me on social media, you’ll see that I’ve shared happy and exciting moments of my little “wins” as a new author – getting featured in the local newspaper, getting into a bookstore, creating my first eBook, etc… I’ve been keeping it positive because I want to stay optimistic!

STRUGGLES

However, what I haven’t really shared much about is the behind-the-scenes struggles that I face mentally. Am I on the right path? Am I crazy for continuing? Should I just go back to find “a real job”? Being more vocal about my struggles is something I feel God is calling me to do. All these mixed emotions inside my are yearning to be expressed, so here’s my first attempt at it.

PLANTING SEEDS

A lot of advice to entrepreneurs goes something like, “Plant lots of seeds and you never know which ones will sprout and turn into something amazing.” So I did that. Ok, so I didn’t plant a ton of seeds, but I timidly planted a few here and there. And a bunch of them didn’t work out. Here they are:

BOOK AWARDS

There are a bunch of awards for authors to submit their books to, and winning one of those awards can bring publicity and boost credibility for the book and for the author. I read that some of these organizations are for-profit, so it’s worth being strategic about which contests to apply to.

Example of a book with an IPPY Gold award sticker on it

I submitted my book to several contests – i.e. IPPY awards and Next Generation Indie Book Awards. They each cost about $80 – $200 depending on how many categories you want to be considered for. Also you have to submit multiple copies of your book for the judges to read. It’s a decent financial investment and you have no idea how it’ll turn out.

So yeah, after waiting several months, they announced the winners, and I was pretty bummed that I didn’t win anything in the categories I applied for (kids books and gift books). On the one hand, they are tons of amazing authors that submit their book, so I guess I have to be realistic about my chances.

LOCAL WRITING CONTEST

Earlier this year, I was reading the local newspaper and came across an announcement for Palo Alto Weekly short story writing contest. I felt intrigued to write a piece just for fun – unrelated to a book and unrelated to my blog. I thought I may have better odds with a local contest because the above contests were nationwide or global.

Hence, I wrote up a piece, enjoyed the process, and felt proud to have submitted a piece of writing out into the world.

My Application to the Short Story Contest

About 5 weeks later, I got an email with this news.

Dear Short Story Contest Entrant:

I’m sorry to inform you that you were not among the top three stories selected by our judges for prizes in this year’s contest.

Thank you for entering and best of luck with your writing. We hope you’ll return next year with another story.

Now of course, when you look at the grand scheme of things, there are a lot of professional and talented and very experienced writers in the Palo Alto area who submitted. And they probably spent a lot more time on their piece than me, so it is what it is. It is disappointing, but alas, time to move on.

SPOTIFY PODCAST BOOTCAMP

Around that time, I also submitted an application to Spotify for their Sound Up Bootcamp which was a training program where they’d fly you out to New York to teach you about podcasting, introduce you to experts, and help you create your own podcast. It was intended to promote female podcasters of color so that there’d be more diversity in the industry. I wrote up a whole spiel about what I would say on a podcast and why I thought these issues were important.

When I shared this on Instagram, one of my Instagram friends, Fey, commented that if I started a podcast, she would definitely listen. ^_^ That made me super happy, thank you Fey!! I still remember that comment because it made me feel like oh hey, maybe what I have to say is worth listening to. 🙂

As I was waiting on a response, I thought more about the idea of doing a podcast, even if the Spotify thing didn’t pan out. I also blocked off those dates in my calendar because if you get it, then you go to NY for a week in June. And finally after a month and a half, I get this response.

Dear applicant,

Thank you so much for your application to the Sound Up Bootcamp! Unfortunately, we’re unable to offer you a spot in June’s bootcamp.

We reviewed over 18,000 applications, and were so impressed and inspired by the ideas we received. We want to encourage you to make your podcast a reality, and join the community of women of color podcasters. You can find a list of resources on creating your podcast — and communities you can get involved with online — here.

Thank you again, and best of luck in podcasting!

Of course, I felt disappointed again, but I was like wow, 18k people applied for 10 spots. I guess my chances were pretty slim. o.O Since this bootcamp isn’t the only way to start a podcast, I feel okay. There are still plenty of tools and resources out there.

I’m still debating on whether I will start a podcast or not. It’s just a matter of what format of blogging is most natural for me – writing, doing YouTube, or recording audio. I still need to experiment.

REFLECTION

Looking back, I guess these scenarios were contests with thousands of applicants, so most of us weren’t going to be selected. But that doesn’t mean our work isn’t worthwhile. We can’t take it too personally – though it is in my nature to be highly sensitive >.< Sigh lol.

I know the advice of planting seeds really only works if you start planting hundreds, thousands of seeds. When you’re first starting off, it’s hard to stay motivated when the initial ones don’t pan out. But from my observation of the successful authors/entrepreneurs, it seems like they relentlessly continue to plant seeds and put themselves out there in vulnerable situations many times over. They keep going when other people would’ve given up a long time ago. So I think the lesson for me is that I’ve got to keep planting seeds, and not dwell on things that don’t pan out. Let’s do this!

I want to hear from you too! Was there a time when you really wanted something and it didn’t turn out. How did you deal with it?

Measuring Our Success

July 27, 2017 By Kat

As I ponder about the type of career and life I want, I wonder: At which point will I feel satisfied, like I have “made it”? Or to put it another way, what are my metrics for success in life? Honestly, I don’t know.

Too Many Numbers

I grew up having my life quantified into numbers, so I could be stack ranked against others to see if I was good enough to admitted into an elite institution or a Fortune 500 company. My high school GPA, SAT test scores, college GPA, interview scores, a salary at work, etc… Everything boiled down to numbers.

I know, I know. We need a way to standardize performance to add some organization to the chaos. As a society, we’ve decided to standardize by using numbers to approximate the real things we’re measuring – character, hard work, talent, effort, growth, impact, etc…

But the problem is when we identify so strongly with those numbers that we start to believe that those numbers define our worth.

We start to strive for higher numbers – a higher salary, a higher level on the corporate ladder, so that we can be better, be more “successful.”

When we add numbers to a goal, it can give us a great deal of motivation and hustle to try to reach those targets. But falling short of those targets can also be a constant source of inadequacy, shame, or stress. Adding numbers to deliverables can also make the process of work feel like an obligation and chore, being chained to some arbitrary target number. That mindset quickly drains away creativity and the very humanity which made us choose that work in the first place.

Do the Numbers Mean Anything?

On social media, it also seems like we are quick to judge people based on the number of Instagram followers and subscribers they have on YouTube. More numbers mean more impact on the world, which should make them successful and happy, right? Except for some of the most popular influencers, they weren’t. They were extremely miserable. Selena Gomez, Michelle Phan, and Essena O’Neill, all went on digital detoxes to take a break from social media to discover their deeper identity.

The numbers mislead us. We foolishly believe that a bigger one will deliver happiness. However, when we finally reach that target number, we feel happy for a day, and then return to feeling discontent. Then we set a new goal for an even higher number to wait for happiness. Why do we let numbers have so much power over us?

At my last job, we had performance reviews, where we had to list out our recent accomplishments. I was making videos and online courses, and I realized how hard it is to measure the impact of my work as a teacher. How do you measure if a student has truly learned? Maybe the way the concepts were presented were completely confusing to the student. Or maybe they gained skills that boosted their confidence and opened their eyes up to a new career path. I struggled with writing those self-assessments. I felt like I had to fall back on the crutch of numbers that were concrete – number of students enrolled, completion rates, video views, number of lessons I churned out, etc… But I was disappointed that those metrics could not adequately capture something as abstract as the impact of education.

Right now, all I know is that I’m tired of measuring myself with numbers.

As I brainstorm future career goals, I don’t want to add numeric metrics to them. For example, does it matter if I reach a certain number of views or subscribers on this blog? I’m growing accustomed to the idea that the greatest satisfaction from having a blog is having an outlet to express, refine, and share my ideas. And to rant as well. 😉

Things That Can’t Be Measured

The other day, I attended a hip hop dance class and saw this sign on the door.

It made me smile because it showed true appreciation for the intangible things that bring value to our lives.

Love is undoubtedly one of those things that is hard to measure. But it can be captured and shared through anecdotes, as seen on this Instagram account Love What Matters (see this cute example). Even reading these stories can uplift our spirit in profound ways.

Similarly, kindness is invisible. The impact that it has on someone can stay with them throughout their day. It can affect their interaction with the next person they meet, which can in turn impact the next person, and so on. Kindness can just ripple out across the world.

Perhaps we should give up trying to assign a number to these concepts.

Perhaps the only way to “measure” them is to use an internal barometer – how our minds and bodies feel. And to keep returning back to the people, places, and activities that fill up those barometers until they’re overflowing. That can be vague though. And sometimes messy. But it feels more real.

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller

Time for an Email Purge

June 8, 2017 By Kat

Fastest way to get rid of 13,848 unread emails? Well, by quitting my job, my corporate email account disappeared into a poof of dust. 😀

I had a similar mess of emails in my personal account, but alas, you can’t quit life. I had thousands of unread emails, hundreds of drafts, and so many emails stored that I was at almost 100% of my 17GB of Google storage.

Since I was starting a new chapter of life, I decided to clear my inbox. It felt scary to draw a line in the sand and say everything that I had not read up until this point would be archived. Nevertheless, I did a big “select all” in Gmail. I marked all those messages as read and archived everything.

Frankly, I have never been so happy to see the “empty state” of a screen before. It felt like there was an angelic glow around it!

Time for an Email Purge

That didn’t reduce my storage use though. I still had no space left! AHHHH!

EMAIL PURGE

My friend Alice decided it was time for an intervention. We agreed to meet up and do an email purge on our respective computers. We would be ruthless in assuring each other that most things should be laid in their final resting place in the trash. Our other friend Dorris heard about our plans, and jumped on board too.

The evening of the email purge arrived. We met up, decided we were hungry, and went to eat pho. Ah, procrastination as its finest. We came back and Dorris fell into a food coma on the couch. 😛

Alice and I were left to fend for ourselves. We started off nice and easy. I was deleting marketing emails from retailers, but the percentage of storage used was not dropping. I needed bigger and bolder measures.

PHOTOS

I checked this Google dashboard to see how my storage was being used. My photos were taking up a heck of a lot of space. I headed over to the Google Photos settings page to downgrade my full res photos into “high quality” ones (which Google allows unlimited storage for). The compression took ages to complete, but it was an easy win.

GMAIL

Next I moved on to tackle the beast of emails. I looked at this article for advice on how to find those big culprits that were eating up all my storage. The golden search query was:

larger:25M

By typing this into the search bar in Gmail, I could see the list of emails that were larger than 25MB and then DESTROY THEM with no mercy! That was fun, so I decided to search for the next largest email messages.

larger:20M

I deleted those, and then kept searching for the next biggest files that were remaining. I was on a roll!

larger:16M

larger:13M

In the meantime, the percentage of storage used was dropping magnificently – down to 91%, then 84%, and then *BAM* 58%!

OLD EMAILS

If those numbers sound exciting, then wait ‘til you hear what I excavated from my inbox. First up, I found a PDF attachment of a 1200-page textbook on computer science algorithms from college. I had no idea why it was there or how I obtained it. But the associated class brings back nightmares. Late nights in a computer cluster eating chicken parmesan from a takeout box and staring at unsolvable homework questions. *Clicks the trash can icon* Never going to need that again!

I’m a sucker for signing up for mailing lists, but I can’t keep up with them. On occasion, I filter them into a folder. With a swift reality check from Alice, I had to finally admit that I would never go back to look at them. Goodbye, emails. I wish I could have read you, but it wasn’t meant to be.

Then I proceeded to delete emails with photos, videos, zip files, and slide decks from school projects from OVER A DECADE AGO. I got rid of old emails with job recruiters, which if I had pursued would have completely changed the course of my life in terms of living location, work experience, and people that I met.

I also came across was an email from 2009 entitled “YAYYY HANSON!!!!!” when my college friends and I got tickets to see Hanson in downtown Boston. We were so excited. The thread even included some MP3 song files to get us pumped up! Goodbye Hanson, you’re not cool anymore, and I need the email storage space.

At the same time, Alice discovered unredeemed gift card money from 2014. How great is it to find find free money?? I think Dorris felt inspired (or guilty) and got up from the couch to turn on her computer to delete a couple too. We high-fived each other for our progress and took a break by eating sour gummy worms.

EMAIL DRAFTS

Later I switched to tackling my 739 email drafts. Some drafts made no sense! There were drafts with a single phone number in them, but no mention of who it was for. -_-

I found unsent emails to friends and family, TODO lists, journal entries, house hunting links, articles, and book recommendations – all these emails that would never receive the glory of a “sent” timestamp.

I opened a draft to a guy that I met in the Philippines and had a crush on (years ago). For a moment, I was so confused. “Wait…. when did I know how to speak Tagalog?? Never??” Then I remembered I used an online translation tool, trying to be clever to impress him. 😛 Anyhow, definitely not going to send that email anymore!

It’s funny how our email archives can be a reflection of our relationship history. There were old emails and chats with past guys I had dated or been interested in. It was nostalgic. I saw how I grew as a person over time, and learned to use periods instead of “lol” to transition between thoughts.

I also witnessed how my relationships with friends and family changed based on the number of email exchanges we had through the years. We become close to people and sometimes drift apart. “The only thing that’s constant in life is change.”

As much as I would’ve wanted to revisit each and every one of my hundreds of thousands of emails from my past, we had to eventually call it a night. Thanks to my friends who slayed the email dragons with me, I reached 49% storage! Wahoo!

It feels GREAT to have de-cluttered my digital life and to have a pie chart that is now beautifully symmetrical.

Hope you enjoyed this post! I’m off to add to the email clutter of the world by sending this post to my subscribers now! 😛

Asking for Permission

June 5, 2017 By Kat

I realized that I try to ask for permission too often in life.

There are the little things that I do without thinking. I ask, “Can I go to the bathroom?” when I’m at a friend’s house for the first time. Sometimes they’ll playfully respond, “No, you can’t!” with a big grin.

When I got a new manager at work, I asked, “Could I have a particular day off?” He was perfectly fine with it and added, “This is not a prison. You don’t need to ask for permission!”

Sometimes I’ll ask my boyfriend if it’s okay that I hang out with a friend on the weekend. He responds with, “You don’t need to ask me, love. Go have fun.”

THE PAST

This begs the question, why do I ask for permission from people who don’t think I need to be asking them? I believe it’s a bad habit from being in environments for many years where there were structured rules on what I could or could not do – i.e. living at home, living in a dorm, going to school, working at companies.

Don’t get me wrong, boundaries and rules are great. They create order out of chaos. They teach us good judgement when we are young fledglings in this world. They help us stay in between the lines – safe from things outside the lines which are dangerous, unethical, or involve monsters that will eat you alive.

When I was a Developer Advocate at Google, we wrote social media and blog posts for developers in the public. I ran the content for these posts by a bunch of people before releasing. They would proofread and give me feedback on what to add, nix, or re-word. For any type of product launch, there was an even beefier process. We needed approval from a lengthy list of people including PR and management. Having a protocol is understandable, but nevertheless, the process could take an unpredictable amount of time and gave me anxiety.

THE PRESENT

When I started writing posts on my personal blog, I asked people to proofread it for me. Unknowingly, I was creating my own “launch process” for my blog and recruiting people to give me the OK on whether it was good enough to launch or not. However, my proofreaders have busy lives, and they couldn’t always read it right away. So there I was, anxiously waiting to post something but blocked on waiting for my proofreader to review it. In this new world without any rules on my work, I asked myself, “Why am I creating these artificial roadblocks on releasing my posts?” I realized I don’t need anyone’s sign-off. I could trust my gut on whether something was good enough to share.

Another perk of a personal blog is that I’m no longer representing another organization or entity. I don’t need to be consistent with someone else’s voice or brand, no matter how awesome that brand is.

I can speak in MY voice.

I can use expletives @!@#%!@#*$ to complain and rant about things. I can type this blog post as a text message – wutcha doin? I can hold down the SHIFT and 1 key as long as I want!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (My favorite punctuation mark.) I can use asterisks to cry *tears of joy!* And I can make it rain emojis. 🙂 😀 😯 😛 😐 😉 🙁 😡 😕 😯 🙂 😉 😮 😡 😐 😀 🙂 😀 😯 😛 😐 😉 🙁 😡 😕 😯 🙂 😉 😮 😡 😐 😀 🙁 😡 😕 😯 🙂 😉 😮 😐 😯 😮 😀 😯 😛 😐 😉 🙁 😀 🙂

But more than grammatical freedom, is the freedom to express my ideas in an unapologetic way. I can talk about whatever topic weighs on my mind or makes me super giddy regardless of how random it is (see Monopoly post). I can share my faith journey too! There’s no need to be politically correct here.

REFLECTION

There can be a very thin line between being considerate of other people’s boundaries and caring too much about what they think. Unfortunately, it’s very easy for me to cross into that latter territory. I ask for permission too much because I want approval from the other person on the course of action I’m about to take.

For example, earlier this year, I felt the need to ask everyone around me for permission to leave my job. While I didn’t exactly ask for permission from my family, I ask the loaded question: “Hypothetically, what do you think about me leaving Google?” I also felt like I needed to get permission from my team to leave. I wasn’t sure what to say, how to say it, or if they’d dislike me for leaving. It turned out that I was overly worried and was able to leave the team on a friendly note – at least I think so. 😛

Now the path to my future can literally take any direction. I can go this way or that, or even head backwards if I wanted! Regardless of what I choose, I know that I can use my inner compass to guide me.

I no longer need to ask for permission from anyone to live my fullest life.

As the James Bay “Let it Go” song goes, “Why don’t you be you, and I’ll be me.”

The Unemployed Life: The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

May 12, 2017 By Kat

The Good

Where to begin? I’ll start with the glory of sleeping in. I can wake up WITHOUT an alarm clock, without feeling like I need to rush to be somewhere at a certain time. I can spend the morning scrolling through the news or Instagram. When I feel like it, I can brush my teeth. Then I can start my day, or just crawl back into bed under the cozy warm covers. I can put on regular clothes or keep wearing my PJs. I’ll be home all day anyways. I guess another way to title the post is: “Life Before Having Kids.”

Another great perk is that Sunday nights aren’t a bummer anymore. While other people sigh at the thought of another work week, I get to pleasantly remind myself, “Oh, there’s no work tomorrow!” And I’m starting to love Mondays. Mondays are the start of a new adventure – time to myself, time to wander, and do whatever I want. My math teacher also described his newly retired life like this. He would drive down the road, see an interesting sign or place, and have the luxury of time to stop and pursue whatever caught his interest. I guess I could have also called this post: “What it Feels Like to be Retired.”

On the topic of weekdays, I love being out and about when everyone else is at work. Things are quieter in the neighborhood. I can zoom through the empty roads and green streetlights. There are no lines to check out at the supermarkets and malls. I get in and out efficiently. I arrive at home and slam the door shut before the rush hour mayhem begins outside.

With a slower life, there’s plenty of time to savor and be more present in each moment. If I’m meeting up with someone to catch up, I can fully enjoy that person’s company without feeling like I need to tend to my TODO list immediately afterwards.

Before you start hating me with envy, I better move onto the next section.

The Bad

I love good food, trying out new restaurants, and drinking overpriced coffee beverages (refer to last blogpost). But since the income isn’t flowing in, I try to reel in those extra expenses. Ah well. That’s what boyfriends are for, right? 😉

Remember that whole part about having lots of time while other people at work? Well, sometimes, I want to actually hang out with those people! On days when I am really bored, I may try to convince them to take a day off or call in sick. 😛 I do have some friends who work nighttime/weekend shifts, so sometimes they’re free during the day. In addition, I have been meeting more retired folks, and they’ve got fountains of knowledge to share. Ironically, they’re also facing similar questions: What to do with life and all this time? Imagine that, after a lifetime of a rewarding career, they’re still pondering the same things as me! It certainly puts things into perspective.

Without work, there isn’t a clear purpose to each day. Time flies by too fast – especially if you take a lot of naps. 😛 Frankly, sometimes nothing gets done. Because you didn’t have any specific goals or work you absolutely have to get done that day, it can feel like a waste. (Although, I somehow managed to turn in my taxes on time!)

Alright, let’s keep on sliding on down into the even more glum aspects of unemployment.

The Ugly

You can no longer hide behind the excuse that you’re too busy with work to do something. This is where you have to face the raw reality underneath it all. You tried to distract yourself from dealing with certain issues, but if there ever was a time to deal with it, it unfortunately is now.

There is the physical stuff you don’t want to deal with – cleaning and maintaining a home, taking care of a car, going to doctor/dentist/eye doctor appointments.

And of course, there is the emotional stuff you didn’t want to deal with. There’s lots to be said on this, but for one, I know that I could be less critical of myself. It was primarily my own unreasonably high standards that previously trapped me into crazy work schedules. 🙁 Rejiggering the expectations on my life and work has been a tumultuous journey. If I can’t fit exercise into my life when I don’t have a job, what type of choices am I making about my health? Oy vey.

Guilt also rears its enormously ugly head. Sometimes people (although well-intentioned) may nudge you to “go get a job” for the sake of security and because “that’s what you’re supposed to be doing.” It can feel like there’s an enormous ticking time bomb next to you to figure out what you want.

Oh, and there’s another ticking bomb that is finances. There’s nothing like seeing your bank account go on a steady decline to give you the anxious jitters. It can keep you up all night wondering “What if X or Y terrible thing happens?” Or “What if I run out of savings and I still haven’t figured out what I want? Would this all be a waste?” These questions occasionally plague my mind and suck up all my energy that could be spent elsewhere. I try to quell those pointless “what if” thoughts, until they creep back into my mind again.

Before quitting my job, I wrote up a spending plan to make sure I had enough saved up. The big question was “How much is enough?” How much money should you save up before you begin to allow yourself the freedom to figure out what makes you a happy and balanced person? While there is no numerical hard and fast rule, I found myself feeling that I finally had “enough” to start moving to the next stage of life. Hmm but as time passes, it’s still hard to be sure that I really saved up “enough.”

Last Words

I’d like to emphasize how extremely blessed I feel each day to be able to take a break from work. Even though I am getting more sleep, I try to be intentional with my time. I spend an enormous amount of time looking at job postings, researching things, reading books, watching videos, and attending events that could be relevant to my future career.

I’ve tried to come around on all these seemingly “negative” aspects of unemployment, and I realize that all of these challenges are opportunities for me to grow and embrace the uncertainty of life. No day is ever a waste. I’m learning to separate what other’s think of me with what I know is best for me. The most precious things we have in life are time and attention. If financial situations allow, we can give ourselves the space to ponder what we truly want, without feeling guilty about it.

The haze of my future gets cloudier on some days compared to others. The question, of whether the basic needs in my life will be covered, can only be answered at each passing moment. This is how I’ve learned to deal with the fact that there are no guarantees in the future: I continually learn that I need complete faith in God (not 80% faith, but 100% faith), that He will provide everything I need at the right time in the right place. Sigh, so hard to put into practice.

Before deciding to leave my job, I kept getting the vision of me standing at a cliff. I had two choices. I could either stay on the cliff where it was safe and familiar. Or I could jump, and the only thing preventing me from shattering to the ground in a million pieces is believing that God will catch me. So here I am, free-falling, and not having any idea where or when I will land.

What’s the next step?

Well, I think a mid-morning nap is a good place to start. 😛

Story of My Free Shirts from Google

April 26, 2017 By Kat

When I was a college student, I heard about all these unbelievable perks at the Disneyland of all tech companies: Google. I heard about how they had these big storage cabinets, where someone would stock them up, fling the doors wide open, announce “FREE T-SHIRTS!” and there would be a free-for-all where you could grab as many brightly colored whimsically designed Google logo T-shirts as you wanted.

Fast-forward to my time as an actual employee at Google, and well, it didn’t quite work like that. But at certain points, it did feel like it was raining schwag. The free stuff would just keep coming, which IS as delightful as it sounds! Now I have enough T-shirts and hoodies for a whole “Silicon Valley engineer” wardrobe.

I also have other random things like this Android cookie cutter, which I immediately put to use that holiday season, but have since misplaced. Oops.

Anyways, back to the free T-shirts. It all began with the Noogler shirt when I first started at Google. Noogler stands for New Googler smashed into 1 word because we’re too lazy to say the 2 words. We also received a propeller cap, which this big guy at home wears now. Maybe I should see if the shirt fits him too.

At the end of my first day of orientation at Google, my mentor picked me up to go to my desk and that was when I found out I was joining the Android Apps team! Woohoo, it was my first choice, so I was on cloud 9. I was going to be working on the Android Market app as a software engineer. (The Android Market is the old school name for the Google Play Store app.) We had an incredibly ambitious plan, and the launch for the Honeycomb release of Android was brutal. So many late hours working, but at least we got these cool sweatshirts with our names hand-stitched on them at the end of it. Although, brown was never really my color.

Next up for the Ice Cream Sandwich release, I worked on the Contacts app – making it all prettyful. I learned the real meaning of pixel PERFECT. I was pushing things on the screen left 2 pixels, then right 4 pixels, up 16 pixels, etc… There was a method to the madness, I think. Our app did get mentioned during the keynote launch of Ice Cream Sandwich. 5 seconds of fame, hurrah!

Ice cream sandwich on a shirt

Ice cream sandwich on a truck

Ice cream sandwich in my hand

Then it was time to get back to work. Spring turned into Summer. Code was written. Summer turned into Fall. More code was written. We also got these jackets to keep us warm… but you know how I feel about the color brown. The jacket nearly envelops me, so I passed it onto my cousin. See! Enough schwag to clothe me and my family!

In the final weeks before JellyBean launch, I got shipped to London to help the Google Search team with their app. When I wasn’t stuffing my face with the amazing snacks in their microkitchen and drinking their freshly squeezed orange juice, I managed to fix a few bugs for the team. 😛 The launch celebration included a big Jellybean statue to display on our front lawn, to go with the other dessert statues. There were also many jellybeans eaten, or rather in my case, many popcorn jellybeans were eaten (my favorite flavor).

My next big project was creating the Google Keep Android app. There were ups and downs, pauses and restarts, redesigns and many rounds of iteration. But persistence paid off and we launched to the public on March 20, 2013. I remember that day like it was my birthday! We celebrated our launch in many ways, which included these extremely warm (and oversized) Google Keep hoodies. Our team also made a trip out to visit our counterparts in Sydney, where I got this Down Under shirt and learned how to do a proper Tim Tam slam. BAM!

From the Honeycomb release, to Ice Cream Sandwich, to JellyBean, and KitKat, it was a privilege to be able to witness the Android platform evolve and mature. I lived and breathed Android, and I loved it. Android stickers, squishables, collectibles, devices, I had it all. I also had friends with iOS devices, but those friendships were hanging by a thread. 😉 Kidding!

Buying ALL the Android KitKat bars at Walgreens

About 3 years into my time at Google, something inside me started to feel restless. I loved the people that I worked with, but I felt like my interests were calling me to a different type of work. I heard about a program to travel to Ghana for 3 weeks with a group of Googlers. It was a much-needed break to step back from the hectic schedule of my day job and figure out what I wanted next.

A team and I got to work with a nonprofit that was sharing lifesaving tips on pregnancy with expectant mothers in rural areas using SMS / voicemail messages. The experience cemented in me the amazing power of mobile phones and how much it could improve people’s lives. I realized that there was so much potential in training developers to build apps for their communities. I knew I wanted to be a part of that.

Upon returning home, I slowly made the transition over to the Developer Relations team to become a Developer Advocate (and collect more free T-shirts of course). Our aim was to train developers around the world on how to build Android apps. We tried to do it in scalable ways by creating videos. I still couldn’t get use to seeing myself on video. *Looks away and closes ears* It’s so weird!! Nevertheless, it felt like a surreal job, like I was getting paid to do something I would volunteer for. It felt like I had hit the career jackpot. We got to meet so many developers, startups, and got access to the coveted Google I/O conference, which was a big ol’ party of all the fun Google things in one place. Sleep was not a priority during those days.

During that time, our training team began to partner with Udacity to create free online courses. Even if you don’t have ANY programming experience, you can take the Android for Beginners course. Later we built out more courses, leading students through building a series of apps with a social impact angle. Along the way, we learned words from the Native American Miwok language (“yoowutis” means “Let’s go!” but I have more to learn..), filmed an earthquake scene with our terrible acting skills, and tried to steal a dog from the Silicon Valley Humane Society (we were building a pet shelter app and needed another subject matter expert).

On another random note, at Google there’s the usual Take Your Kids to Work Day, but ALSO a Take Your Parents to Work Day! Our team showed parents how to start building their own apps, and more importantly, how to do the happy dance after your code works. *Raise the roof*

Alas, another 3 years on the Developer Relations team zoomed by. As we wrapped up the final course, the same feeling of restlessness started to bubble up within me. As bittersweet and hard as it is to leave such a wonderful place, I felt like it was time for me to move on from Google. To find the next thing my mind wanted to learn. To find the next thing that my heart wanted to experience. I have yet to figure this out, but will be documenting the journey on this blog, so feel free to join me for one heck of a ride.

As I step back and look at this giant pile of T-shirts on the floor, I am filled with gratitude mixed with nostalgia. I grew up at Google. It sent me around the world and taught me more than I ever thought I could learn. (It also gave me an incredibly high standard for corporate cafeteria food.) While these T-shirts may get old and tattered, the people and experiences are things that I’ll always hold in my heart.

I’ll close here with a photo of my favorite Google T-shirt. I wear it the most.

And ironically, it’s the only one that I paid for.

My Last Free Lunch at Google

April 19, 2017 By Kat

I stepped out of the massage room out into the larger room which was the Wellness Center on Google’s main campus. It took a moment to adjust my eyes to the bright fluorescent lights. I had just finished getting a half hour massage (I know, poor me), in a scrambled effort to use up the hundreds of massage credits I had banked up in the last 6½ years at Google. Throughout that time, I had been so busy with work and deadlines, I had never bothered to use the credits. Oh, the irony.

I walked out of the Wellness Center into the hallway and curiously peered out through the second floor window onto the patio, where Googlers were having lunch. The view was perfect even on this slightly gloomy day. I snapped a picture on my Nexus 5X so I could remember this view, this moment.

February 1, 2017 was my last day at Google. This place was my home away from home. It was my first job out of college, and the experience would be hard to beat. My life had become so intertwined with Google, it was hard to imagine life without it. Sometimes, subtle hints of fear and uncertainty would bubble up inside me, but something beyond the sprawling Google campus was calling me to explore it.

I broke from my daydream and hurried downstairs to meet my friend for lunch. On glancing at the calendar event on my laptop, which was intermittently freezing and taunting me with a loading indicator (battery was at 0%), I realized that I was supposed to meet my friend across campus, in negative 2 minutes.

I bolted down the stairs, ran across the main campus courtyard, to hop into my car. It was blocked by another car, so I asked the valet attendant to move the other car. Yes, there is free valet parking at Google. Mostly because the # of Googlers > # of parking spots, but yes it is a nice privilege. I leaped into my car, zoomed down Charleston Road and headed to the other side of campus, anxious at the stoplights that were taking so long to turn green. Once I parked (no valet this time!), I ran inside the coffee lab to meet my friend with barely enough breath to express a warm welcome and apologize for my lateness.

He was a former coworker from the Google Keep team. It was his orientation week at Google. He had left Google the previous year to pursue new opportunities, and when things didn’t work out as expected, he decided to rejoin Google again. So there we were – crossing paths – him on his way back into Google, and me on my way out. It was a funny thing to realize, and I wondered if I would return again like him.

We sat down to enjoy my last lunch at Google. I had peanut butter beef on the left (I had never heard of that dish either), which was surprisingly tasty. And I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to nab a couple of slices of pizza. I had spent much of my meal times at Google, looking longingly at the pizza and fries offered every day, and would only succumb to the temptation every once in a while (when the smell of cheese and pepperoni was too irresistible). As we ate our lunch, we reminisced and caught up on life.

Like my breakfast earlier in the day, I thoroughly enjoyed each bite – savoring the multitude of flavors. I learned about the practice of mindful eating from the Search Inside Yourself class at Google, which covers various meditation practices for increased well-being. In mindful eating, you chew slowly and intentionally and notice all the tastes and sensations. (No gulping the food down, my usual habit.) It also involves expressing gratitude for the hands that prepared the food – from the farm to the kitchen to the plate in front of you.

After a nice long relaxing lunch, I decided I should probably head to my desk to finish up any “last day” tasks. I combed through emails and figured out the status of my benefits. I responded to some more goodbye emails and shared my personal email address so we could all stay in touch.

Soon enough, I glanced at the clock and it was already 4pm! I was supposed to turn in my devices and badge by 5pm on main campus. My hands started to type a little faster. There were still random things on my to-do list to take care of. Then the minutes ticked by and it was already 4:30pm. I gave up and accepted that there were certain things I wouldn’t be able to finish (a metaphor for life I suppose). I gently closed the lid of my laptop. It was weird to think about never opening the laptop again. And it was weird to know that I would never be able to read the responses to the emails I had just sent.

I shoved everything in my bag and bolted out of the building. I still remember the cold hard click of the door as I pushed it open. It would be the last time I would leave my building. The cold winter air of the Bay Area rushed into my face.

I jumped into my car and zoomed back to main campus again. I turned in my laptop and then went across the street to turn in my badge. The folks were not there anymore, so I gave it to a security guard. He took it, and it was a lot more anticlimactic than I expected. My badge (which was practically an extension of my body for all those years) was now no longer hanging by my side.

Since there was nothing else left to do, I exited the building. I could feel the hard concrete below my feet with each step toward the parking lot. I took in the sights and sounds around me.

I glanced at the random shark fin that was sticking out of the ground. I never understood why that thing was there. I peered over my right shoulder in the direction of the gym, where I had spent the prior months working out. I had formed new friendships (a.k.a. people to guilt you into going to the gym) and was finally able to do one pullup (VICTORY AT LAST!).

On my left, I peered into the Google cafe that made ready-to-go sandwiches and had hot soups and popcorn. A long line of people waited for their sandwiches with their paper orders in their hands. I used to duck in there for a bowl of soup as a post-workout snack, but now that would be a habit of the past. I smiled. Those were good times. There were many good times at Google.

I turned my head back on the path, and my feet pitter pattered down the stairs. I walked past the brightly colored Google bikes parked along the base of the stairs. They were always too big for my legs to comfortably reach the pedals (ah, the downsides of being 4’11”). With a few more steps, I reached my car and got inside. Then I headed home.

For the first time in my adult life, I didn’t have a job anymore. There was no work to go to the next day (Thursday). I didn’t know what I would do, but was ready to take on whatever life would bring.

UPDATE: From the date of this post, you can tell that it’s been a couple months since I left Google, so I’ll be writing more about what I’ve been up to. In the meantime, I gotta go, meeting a friend for lunch at Google. 😉