As I ponder about the type of career and life I want, I wonder: At which point will I feel satisfied, like I have “made it”? Or to put it another way, what are my metrics for success in life? Honestly, I don’t know.
Too Many Numbers
I grew up having my life quantified into numbers, so I could be stack ranked against others to see if I was good enough to admitted into an elite institution or a Fortune 500 company. My high school GPA, SAT test scores, college GPA, interview scores, a salary at work, etc… Everything boiled down to numbers.
I know, I know. We need a way to standardize performance to add some organization to the chaos. As a society, we’ve decided to standardize by using numbers to approximate the real things we’re measuring – character, hard work, talent, effort, growth, impact, etc…
But the problem is when we identify so strongly with those numbers that we start to believe that those numbers define our worth.
We start to strive for higher numbers – a higher salary, a higher level on the corporate ladder, so that we can be better, be more “successful.”
When we add numbers to a goal, it can give us a great deal of motivation and hustle to try to reach those targets. But falling short of those targets can also be a constant source of inadequacy, shame, or stress. Adding numbers to deliverables can also make the process of work feel like an obligation and chore, being chained to some arbitrary target number. That mindset quickly drains away creativity and the very humanity which made us choose that work in the first place.
Do the Numbers Mean Anything?
On social media, it also seems like we are quick to judge people based on the number of Instagram followers and subscribers they have on YouTube. More numbers mean more impact on the world, which should make them successful and happy, right? Except for some of the most popular influencers, they weren’t. They were extremely miserable. Selena Gomez, Michelle Phan, and Essena O’Neill, all went on digital detoxes to take a break from social media to discover their deeper identity.
The numbers mislead us. We foolishly believe that a bigger one will deliver happiness. However, when we finally reach that target number, we feel happy for a day, and then return to feeling discontent. Then we set a new goal for an even higher number to wait for happiness. Why do we let numbers have so much power over us?
At my last job, we had performance reviews, where we had to list out our recent accomplishments. I was making videos and online courses, and I realized how hard it is to measure the impact of my work as a teacher. How do you measure if a student has truly learned? Maybe the way the concepts were presented were completely confusing to the student. Or maybe they gained skills that boosted their confidence and opened their eyes up to a new career path. I struggled with writing those self-assessments. I felt like I had to fall back on the crutch of numbers that were concrete – number of students enrolled, completion rates, video views, number of lessons I churned out, etc… But I was disappointed that those metrics could not adequately capture something as abstract as the impact of education.
Right now, all I know is that I’m tired of measuring myself with numbers.
As I brainstorm future career goals, I don’t want to add numeric metrics to them. For example, does it matter if I reach a certain number of views or subscribers on this blog? I’m growing accustomed to the idea that the greatest satisfaction from having a blog is having an outlet to express, refine, and share my ideas. And to rant as well. 😉
Things That Can’t Be Measured
The other day, I attended a hip hop dance class and saw this sign on the door.
It made me smile because it showed true appreciation for the intangible things that bring value to our lives.
Love is undoubtedly one of those things that is hard to measure. But it can be captured and shared through anecdotes, as seen on this Instagram account Love What Matters (see this cute example). Even reading these stories can uplift our spirit in profound ways.
Similarly, kindness is invisible. The impact that it has on someone can stay with them throughout their day. It can affect their interaction with the next person they meet, which can in turn impact the next person, and so on. Kindness can just ripple out across the world.
Perhaps we should give up trying to assign a number to these concepts.
Perhaps the only way to “measure” them is to use an internal barometer – how our minds and bodies feel. And to keep returning back to the people, places, and activities that fill up those barometers until they’re overflowing. That can be vague though. And sometimes messy. But it feels more real.
“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched – they must be felt with the heart.” – Helen Keller
Hi Kat,
I saw you first in teacher posture and I was amazed of the way you explained and that you made everything to seems to be so simple and easy, even for me.
I am a former banker that after ten years experience and after my daughter came to this world I decided that I’m not happy with my proffesional and I decided to change everything, and after 3 years of search I think I found it. It seems to be Android development, but hey maybe I’m wrong I don’t know right now.
But most important for me are my daughter’s hugs and her smiles. So, yes you are so right, numbers should not guide our lives.
Good luck with your search, I hope you will find what are you searching for!
Aww that is so sweet – yes your daughter’s hugs and smiles sound priceless! Good luck on your career transition too! Way to be brave and switch! I’m glad you’re enjoying Android!! You’ll know soon enough if this is the right path for your or not.
Hi Kat! I absolutely love your post! The intangible is much more worth it than what we can see. I believe to feel fullfield in life is to be happy whether the world agreed or not. For instance, my mom stayed home and raised my sister and I. We didn’t have much resources but we were so happy to have her home while dad was working. According to the world standards that might have been a bad idea but we are grateful my mom made her decision to stay with us! Currently my sister and I are professionals and can take care of ourselves very well.
Awww yes, Ines, your mom is an amazing mom! Her life’s work has been to raise 2 amazing and successful daughters – what a life well lived!
Hi Kat
I took your course and I gained skills that boosted my confidence and opened my eyes up to a new career path, and a so did lot of other people too. so your performance reviews were definitely did not capture the true impact you had on so many peoples life.
But to make a tangential point, math is pretty much everywhere, even social subjects such as economics, geography, psychology rely heavily on numbers crunching.
So please don’t get too philosophical and try to come back with a bang in the tech world on the field of your choice.
May god bless you.
Thanks.
Thanks for the encouragement Arch! I’m thrilled to hear that it opened your eyes to a new career path! Hearing from students like you makes all the hard work worth it 😀 Good luck to you. Haha and we’ll see which field I decide to go into next 😉
I love this post. Thank you for writing it and I hope you keep writing.
I dabbled a bit in your android course and wanted to see what you were up to these days, glad you are doing well!
Aw thanks a lot, Travis! Glad you enjoyed the post. Good luck on learning Android!
Hi Kat, beautiful write up here. I also admit the fact that sometimes true knowledge and care for peoples lives will only be when we see them and interact with them and not by crunch of numbers generated through the internet.
But meanwhile, please could i have your email address, i need your advice about a career decision i am about to make and i would not like to post such discussions here. Thanks in advance.